Pronominal (reflexive) verbs
Summary
Pronominal verbs carry a reflexive pronoun (me, te, se, nous, vous, se) that matches the subject; they cover four senses — reflexive, reciprocal, idiomatic and passive — and always form their compound tenses with être.
Explanation
A pronominal verb is a verb used with an extra reflexive pronoun that refers back to the subject. The pronoun changes with the person: je me lave, tu te laves, il/elle/on se lave, nous nous lavons, vous vous lavez, ils/elles se lavent. Before a vowel or mute h, me, te and se elide to m', t', s' (je m'appelle, il s'habille). The reflexive pronoun sits immediately before the verb in simple tenses and before the auxiliary in compound tenses; in the affirmative imperative it moves after the verb and te becomes toi (lave-toi !).
Pronominal verbs cover four senses. Reflexive: the subject acts on itself — elle se regarde dans le miroir. Reciprocal, with a plural subject doing something to one another — ils se parlent, nous nous aimons. Intrinsic or idiomatic, where the pronoun is simply part of the verb and adds no 'self' meaning — se souvenir, s'en aller, se moquer de, s'évanouir. And pronominal-passive, used for general truths about things rather than people — ça se vend bien, le français se parle ici, ce mot ne s'écrit pas comme ça.
In every compound tense, pronominal verbs take être, never avoir: je me suis levé(e), nous nous sommes couché(e)s, ils se sont écrit. This is the most reliable fact about them, and it explains why the participle so often looks 'agreed'. Saying 'je m'ai lavé' is always wrong.
Agreement, however, follows the preceding direct object, not blindly the subject. When the reflexive pronoun is itself the direct object, it precedes the verb and the participle agrees with it (and so with the subject): elle s'est lavée, ils se sont vus. When a direct object follows the verb, the participle stays invariable: elle s'est lavé les mains (the direct object les mains comes after; se is indirect, 'to herself'). With reciprocal verbs where the pronoun is indirect, there is likewise no agreement: elles se sont parlé (parler à quelqu'un).
The reflexive can also flip a verb's meaning, so treat pronominal forms as separate entries: rendre (to give back) vs se rendre (to go / to surrender), douter (to doubt) vs se douter (to suspect), passer (to pass) vs se passer (to happen). Choosing the pronominal form is a lexical and semantic decision, not just a grammatical add-on.
Rule of thumb: pick the reflexive pronoun that matches your subject, place it right before the verb (or the auxiliary), use être in all compound tenses, and decide agreement by asking whether a direct object comes before the verb. If it does, agree; if the direct object follows or the pronoun is indirect, leave the participle invariable.
Examples
Je me lève à sept heures tous les matins. — I get up at seven o'clock every morning. (Reflexive: the subject acts on itself; pronoun matches the subject (me).)
Ils se téléphonent tous les soirs. — They phone each other every evening. (Reciprocal: a plural subject acting on one another.)
Je me souviens très bien de ce jour-là. — I remember that day very well. (Idiomatic: se souvenir exists only as a pronominal verb.)
Ce livre se vend très bien en ce moment. — This book is selling very well right now. (Pronominal-passive: used for a thing, not a person.)
Elle s'est levée, puis elle s'est lavé les mains. — She got up, then she washed her hands. (Agreement contrast: levée (se = direct object) vs lavé (les mains follows; se is indirect).)
Dépêchez-vous, le train part dans cinq minutes ! — Hurry up, the train leaves in five minutes! (Affirmative imperative: pronoun moves after the verb (vous → -vous).)
Common mistakes
Elle s'est lavé les mains, puis elle s'est lavé.
Elle s'est lavé les mains, puis elle s'est lavée.
Pronominal verbs always take être, but the past participle agrees with the preceding direct object, not automatically with the subject. In elle s'est lavée, the reflexive se is the direct object, so the participle agrees: lavée. But in elle s'est lavé les mains, the direct object is les mains and it comes after the verb, while se is now indirect ('to herself'); since nothing direct precedes, the participle stays invariable: lavé. So the same verb gives lavée or lavé depending on whether a direct object follows. Rule of thumb: ask what is directly affected and whether it sits before the verb.
Prerequisites
Related rules
pronominal-verbsreflexivecliticsparticiple-agreement